Ever been dumped? Sure you have. It sucks. It hurts. It's all consuming. Heck, it even hurts to do the dumping. You eat less, you do less work, you feel uninspired. And that's where great music comes in -- as therapy. It can help you feel better, it can remind you that others have felt as horrible as you currently do (or worse).
I've chosen ten great songs that I find myself listening to (on repeat, ad nauseam) when I've been given the relationship boot. I'm sure you have your own list; this is my top ten. Make a play-list. Burn a CD. Sad, aggressive, mopey? The bottom of the barrel sucks. Music can help.
1. "Song For The Dumped" -- Ben Folds Five
A breakup is a tough loss to bear -- so it's best to start the healing process with a bit of yelling. No one does that quite like Mr. Ben Folds. His classic breakup ditty, "Song For The Dumped," helped me nurse my first broken heart and I'm sure it'll help me nurse my next. Because seriously: breaking up makes you angry.
2. "Why Do You Leave" -- Ryan Adams
Of course it hurts. And when it hurts, you may just want to milk that pain. I know I do; moping is practically my part-time job. That's where Ryan Adams comes in. This guy has a way of cracking his voice at just the moment you need him to. When he implores "Lover, why do you leave on the day I want you to be the world?" you'll hit the floor -- and his harmonica solo will be your only pillow.
3. "So Long To You And I" -- Koufax
I always say, when you're going down, you might as well go all the way. OK, maybe I don't say that, so much as feel it. All the time. Especially late at night. When I'm alone. Um, but anyway... Koufax -- usually of poppy keyboarded happiness -- have a six minute number that indulges that down-in-the-dumps feeling and that will help you get really, really very far down in said dumps. "Don't have to exaggerate this, I know that you'll never call, I doubt that you'll care." Ugh.
4. "I Know It's Over" -- The Smiths
No one does sadness and dejection like Morrissey. And when the darkness descends -- and you're not ready to try and lift it -- there is no better company. "If you are so good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?" Because it sucks, Moz. And only you understand.
5. "Still In Love Song" -- The Stills
The Stills have a musical way of brooding that is very simpatico with breakup grief. Put this song on when you're beginning to feel a need to channel your sadness somewhere. "We were lovers, we were kissers, we were holders of hands, we were make-believers." You'll find yourself out of bed, tissue box tossed across the room, dancing around with the angry glory of heartbreak. (Or at least you'll blow your nose).
6. "Adia" -- Sarah McLachlan
So you admit you maybe weren't entirely a victim of the evil wrath of your ex. Maybe -- just maybe -- you had a part. Maybe -- just maybe -- it was (partially) your fault. This song, one of my all-time favorites, will help you mourn for what was, essentially, a mutual mess-up. And it's so pretty it'll pull your heartstrings long after you are healed (this is all about healing, right?).
7. "Tiny Vessels" -- Death Cab For Cutie
For diversity's sake, here's a number for those who did the breaking-up. Sure, I know it's hard for you too. Granted, it was your choice; you did make the final decision. But what off it? I'm sure it was a hard decision to come to. Let Ben Gibbard sing to you about that pain -- he knows that it sucks to be the jilter too.
8. "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" -- The Stars
Though it may seem to be the case, this song is not about wish-fulfillment. It's about that feeling -- a feeling that will probably come, though I'm sure at this moment you don't want it to -- when you meet your ex-lover and realize, "I don't love them anymore." Because let's be honest, diamonds are forever, love isn't. (Does that seem too cynical? Listen to the song, it's more articulate than I.)
9. "Inside of Love" -- Nada Surf
Nada Surf rank high as one of my all-time favorite bands. And why is that? Because they have a way of relishing negative feelings while staying mysteriously (and subtly) hopeful. This is a song for a few months after your break-up, when you've healed a bit but are still sad, when you've run out of steam and you're longing for "love" again -- but you suspect it's still a long way off.
10. "Just Another" -- Pete Yorn
In his live album, Pete York calls this tune "an old-fashioned love song" -- and it is, in the sense that it is about love, but also about love's frailty. But this isn't a mopey song, it's just realistic. Yorn croons, "You're my baby, you're just another girl." And it's true -- with love we try to elevate each other and ourselves. But we're just people -- and love is just as human as we are.
I'll stop now and let the musicians sing. With their help, I'm sure you'll be feeling better soon enough.
Got Your Own Top 10 Breakup Songs?
Send them in: altmusic.guide@about.com.
I'll share them on the site blog.